14 days of confinement & spiritual growth

14 days of confinement in camp, not as a recruit, but as a corporal. Not many will experience that. Burned 2 weekends and Hari Raya Holiday, nothing I could do about the situation.
The reason why I got it, was what I still think is unjust. Many things happen before that and the confinement was the final straw. The details, I do not wish to elaborate and dwell any further, however if you want to know, ask me personally, I'll share. I'm requesting to post out of my unit, but it's not easy to get out. I'm waiting to see how things turn out.

Frankly I started out the 14 days feeling downcast, with worries about my ministry, my cg and my sheep. The 14 days in camp wasn't "take it as a holiday chalet" like what my colleagues suggested. There was fatigue work to do like plucking weeds, sweeping the carpark, cleaning toilets, etc, though the frequency was low. The TV in my camp could only receive Indonesian channels & the Internet computers are all in my office. I was completely cut off from TV and I rarely touched the internet computer.

I pondered alot and on the 2nd day, I came to a decision. I could choose to wallow in self-misery and self-pity, being bitter about everything that had happen or I could make the best use of my time while I was trapped in camp. I was unable to change the situation that I was in, but I could change my attitude towards it. I told God that if that was his testing for me, I'll humbly accept it and grow.
1 Cor 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
God, you think highly of me. hahazz By Your Grace, I'll overcome.

The 14 days became a time of spiritual retreat for myself. There were minimal distractions. I worship with my guitar & prayed so much more often. My reading of God's Word also increased and I also had the time to pick up Christian illterature to read. I also used the time to help some people with their friday/weekend duties, I know the urgency to return home after one's duty. Volunteered to do things like evening cookhouse duty & stand-in the morning duty until the next duty clerk comes, so that others may leave earlier. I really thank God for my parents, though they may not be able to comprehend what I was going through, they showed me love, by bringing food and washed clothes for me a few times while I was confined.
I also meditated on many things, on God's plan for me in all these, in my ministry, on certain issues and on self. I gained fresh insights on some of God's ways and came to understand myself better.

I learned more about God's character, his unchanging character, yet different ways. Many people have the impression that God seems to be a fierce God in the old testament and a loving
God in the new testament. Yes, God's wrath poured more often in the OT as compared to the NT. But then doesn't mean God's character has changed, God just used different ways to approach man.
Luke 12:48 From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.
In the OT, God showed his presence much more explicitly to the people, through miracles and wonders. Yet they still continued in sin. Much was given to the isrealites in the OT and much was expected of them, the conquences of their sins were harsher.
God's character never change. Even when He gave the Ten Commandments, Grace & Love preceded it.
Ex 20:2 "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
This opening statement is a pledge of God's Love and Grace for his people, what God has already done for His people. Grace precedes Law. The Law is there to protect us, to keep us from sin. Living out God's commandments is a life that Grace implies.

I also realised a few things about myself. I tend to place others' expectations on myself. It is good to consider the well-being of others when you do things, but I realised that I've over-done it. I tend think of what other's will think more often rather than than their well-being. I'm reminded once again that I'm living for the audience of One. Holy Spirit, help me in this.

And because of other's expectation, I'm hesistant to show my weakness to people. My colleague mentioned that he'll lose respect for people if he thinks that they are weak or incapable. But no one is perfect. Everyone has flaws and weaknesses, though vast and diverse they may be. I'm reminded of these verses:

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Paul didn't hide his weakness, he was frank about it. I want to grasp this spirit of Paul. I will not be ashamed to share my weaknesses. Jesus, I will depend on you evermore, show your providence in my weakness.

I'm looking forward to new challenges and opportunities in my ministry. Hopefully I can post out to a non-active unit to have more time to serve. My driving test date is closing in, my instructor mentioned that it is unlikely that I can make it in time, the repercussions of the confinement... haizz God please see me through this! Well, come what may, I will be ready for them. With You in the centre, everything's going to be alright!

Lord, I do not pray for tasks equal to my strength; I ask for strength equal to my tasks!